Waxing Lyrical

In preparation for welcoming our summer visitors after lockdown I ordered two litres of Antiquax liquid floor polish for the oak flooring in Murmur-y-Don.

I use knee pads, as the job would be impossible without them. So I started waxing on Tuesday morning, with a large coarse floor cloth and wearing gardening gloves.

The vapour was intensely strong, and I got a little woozy. It’s also hard work for an old bear, four-legged on the floor rubbing away for six hours.

That was the round window and drawing room. The fun bit is polishing it off with the Kärcher electric floor polisher, which only takes a couple of hours.

Two days later I fought through the stiffness and did the hall and study, which only took four or five hours.

I must say it looks and smells wonderful, and there is a sense of achievement, however stiff I was as a result. And I Was STIFF!

The two litres of liquid wax polish cost £52.86. As I poured the gloopy wax onto the floorcloth and rubbed it into the floor I realised that each drop of the polish had cost more than a fine single malt Scotch whisky. A bottle of Laphroaig (which I like) is £23. I’d rather have had the whisky.

Just picture me silently weeping as I rubbed my Scotch dreams away.